But it is accurate and just in case you hate my stand-up at least you can leave going: “You know what I learned something. And I had game.Ī leopard can carry two times its body weight into a tree. It just means statistically I’m smarter than you are. And a lot of you’re like: “That’s because you were home schooled.” OK. She’s a pedophile, she should be in prison forever. They all the same stupid joke: “Probably made the kid more popular.” That’s disgusting. But the flip side of that is how about when a hot female teacher bangs a 14 year old student and nobody in society really has a problem with it. Women like that Demi married a younger man because guys do it all the time and no one gives him grief for, but if a woman does it becomes an issue. That’ll throw off the scent of the gay trail.” Haha. “I hope I get famous in my early 20 so I can settle down and marry some middle-aged forty-year-old with a bunch of kids. Hope you enjoy charity banging that geriatric for eternity.
Even in the afterlife you’re a douchebag. They ain’t getting in.” I’m like: “What?” He’s like: “No, I’m kidding. By the way I saw some slutty bitches by the pearly gates. What did you say?” He’s like: “Welcome to fucking heaven.” “You can swear?” He’s like: “Fuck yeah! It’s fucking heaven.” “Oh, see I was always raised as a child never to swear.” “Where in the Bible does it say you can’t fucking swear?” I’m like: “No fucking where.” He’s like: “Yeah. Right? What if I die get up to heaven and God’s like: “Hey, man. But, I love to swear and I don’t know that I’m not allowed to swear. I probably shouldn’t talk about church and say fucking in the same sentence.
It’s so hard to be a Christian in the west coast time zone. I don’t have to.Įver been in church: “Hey, when’s this fucker going to wrap it up? We got kick off! Why does God hate football season? I wish he was arrested on a Wednesday. Oh, that’s gonna, sting isn’t, tourist? Alright, how much longer do I have- holy cow! That opening did not take long enough. Yeah, that’s what the middle of the country’s for. Oh, there anything more annoying than the poor? Always complaining: “Aw, I can’t afford a two-bedroom townhouse for six hundred thousand dollars.” Good, move east. So buckle up, you guys are in for a treat. Currently ranked number one in the world.